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Jun 21, 2015

Alien Parasite Antibodies

Remember earlier this year, when I contracted a severe case of startitis?

The initial symptoms were so subtle and innocuous, they were easy to ignore ... until that moment they reached fever pitch and there were 10 (15?) WIPs and swatches on the needles. (Some but not all appeared in the post, COAT Weather.)


That's typical for some knitters, but we all know it's not the norm for me. As a a slow knitter with limited knitting time, I've learned to aim for a balanced mix of WIPs: One concept piece (swatching). One primary project (manageable and modular). And one or two small, quick knits (like fingerless mitts or the Graefen cloth and towel set above).

Between your thoughtful suggestions and my research on the wacky side of the web, we were able to trace the onset of startitis to an alien parasite infestation (API). Putting a name to the problem helped and gradually the symptoms abated.

It turns out API is far more common than we realized, but beyond that very little is known about the condition. At present, scientists believe:
  • Exposure confers short-term resistance rather than lifetime immunity.
  • Repeated bouts boost resistance but unpredictable relapses are common.
  • Some people never achieve complete immunity.
  • API can be fatiguing and frustrating, but it's non-fatal.

These facts were moderately reassuring, but it was obvious further wacky-web research was in order.

There I found a compelling analysis of blood samples drawn from hapless humans afflicted with alien parasites. During this analysis, researchers were for the first time able to isolate the API cell form:
(Oh, dear. It's probably just my work-weary eyes, but doesn't that API cell bear a striking resemblance to ... No, surely it's just my imagination.)

The scientists were among other things stunned to find API cell strands "vary greatly in size, feature a wide range of textures, display a full spectrum of colors and some are even variegated." (Their words, not mine.)

You'll be relieved to learn the same team also managed to capture an image of the only known antidote, the powerful but elusive API antibody:
Reluctant to comment openly on what this discovery might mean, the scientists sheepishly confessed they were puzzled by certain facts. 

Apparently the antibodies vary in size and configuration much like the API cells, but they can be recognized by the presence of "stick-like structures that appear to be neutralizing the cell strands through some process we have yet to identify." (Again their words, not mine.)

Should you tell them? Or should I?


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5 comments:

  1. Thanks for the laugh! Lovely to start the day with a smile on my face ; )

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is extra funny because I'm coming down with a case of API right now.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think you should. Great post!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hilarious! I have had severe startitis lately, and am somewhat ashamed to talk about how many WIPs I have at the moment, let alone UFOs.

    ReplyDelete

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-b

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